RIP

I will forever Love my first big girl purse. Love with a capital L. Like, forever-ever love it. I used it, abused it and it traveled near and far with me. It was the Classic Hillier Hobo by Marc by Marc Jacobs. In a color that they don't make anymore.

Over the years it got dirrrrty. And not in the Christina Aguilera way. I decided to take it to a cobbler to give it a bath. (Yes I just said cobbler). I dropped it off and he assured me he would have it looking brand new again. I WAS SO EXCITED. I went to pick it up and my heart almost stopped. Instead of using this to clean it: He used this:

To PAINT IT. How do I know? Oh, it smells like spray paint and there is paint on the hardware. Kill. If anyone sees a great purse in that exact color PLEASE let me know. And no, it can't be the Chloe bag that Reese W has been toting around HollyHOOD lately. Sad Ingy.

Afternoon Snack.

Pictured below is what is currently on my desk begging to be eaten.
It's normal to do this to them before I eat them, right?
Yum.

What?

I like to throw expired things away. Whoever invented expiration dates is a gen-i-us (pronounced the way Nuni and Nooni say it). And Diet Coke expires, mind you. My dad doesn't think it does. We fight about it EVERY time I am home.

I opened the fridge at work last week at work to get milk for my coffee and saw this:

What is wrong with that at first glance? Expires in July 3012! Wow, that crushed garlic is going to last 1001 years!

Ok, this may be lame but it made me do a serious double take.

Katita B Chased Thirty.

And boy, did she catch it! Happy 30th birthday one of the best people I know. Here are some things (or some sings as we say) that bring a tear to my eye and a smile to my face; Katra. The Lounge. Beckham. Blue bug. PLB. Going out on school nights doing "Hollywood". Those clothes we used to wear. 4th of July at the beach. Malibu weekend. Ari-love. Tears. Hip hop dance class. Pee in my pants laughing. Barney's karaoke. UFB. Stone face while you try to make me crack. Queso. Engagement phone call. Mixed CDs. Growing up together, into ADULTS. Emailing ALL day long and getting home and having NOTHING to talk about. Sidekicks. Lainey Boggs. Puerto Vallarta Parte 1. Lazy Friday nights with Bossa. Our "have they or haven't they" emails. Puerto Vallarta Parte 2. Katra/Blingy 6 Man weekend. Mucho. Baby girl Schneidie to be!

Happy birthday, love. I hope it's as spectacular as you! Can't wait to celebrate YOU! xo

Rent the Runway!

I'm sure you all have heard of Rent The Runway by now. If you haven't, sign up! I recently rented the runway for my trip to Vegas. I was feeling like I had NOTHING to wear and wanted something fresh and fun and I didn't want to buy anything. So I rented this dress. And here is the end result. Don't judge me for that photo. Sweet Child O' Mine was on and I can't be held accountable for my actions when that song plays. Ever. Pure magic. They ship it to you with EVERYTHING you need to send it back so once you've worn it you just pop it in the envelope and send it on its way. Easy as pie. And in this day in age of facebook, blogs, etc, who wants to be seen wearing the same thing twice? It helps if you know what size you are in each designer but just in case you think you might need a different size they send you a back up size. For free. How brilliant is that? They have a special going right now. Pay $50 and get $100 worth of rentals! Get the deal here. You have until October 8th to use it (you KNOW you have at least something to get dressy for before then) but only have 2 days to buy the deal! DO IT. Trust me, you won't regret it. You're welcome.

3 Great Shows You're Not Watching.

Or maybe you are. I can't read your Nielsen boxes. (Does anyone actually KNOW anyone who has one?).

In this world of terrible reality TV (can we even call it reality TV anymore?) great scripted shows are few and far between. And the good ones sometimes don't make it, they don't even get a fair shot. See: My So Called Life, Freaks and Geeks, Sports Night, etc.

First show you don't have on season pass but you should: Friday Night Lights.

Three reasons?

1. GREAT writing

2. "Clear Eyes, Full Heart"

3. Tim Riggins

4. It's about FOOTBALL!!!!!! But not really. But kind of...

Ok, that was 4 instead of 3.

Onto Show #2. Get to know The Sons of Anarchy.

It's pretty much The Sopranos but with bikers. But watered down a wee bit because it's on cable TV. And Charlie Hunnam is a dreamboat- total skeeze on the show sometimes, but such a lovable dirtbag. And Katey Sagal? She deserved that Golden Globe she won in January, she actually deserved it last year. Girl is PHENOMENAL in this show.

And last but not least, you NEED to get on board with The Good Wife immediately if not sooner.

Mr. Big, Julianna Margulies, Matt Czuchry and ALAN effing CUMMING. Brilliant cast. Great guest stars (Michael J Fox!). Leaves you wanting more each week.

All I know is if you're not watching the shows in this blog post, you really should start. Netflix the ones on DVD and get ready for the next seasons. Period. You heard it here. You won't be sorry.

Green.

I have a completely hopeless love affair with the color green. We will NEVER break up. And I love everything about it, every single shade. So imagine the swoop-de-doop my cold little icy heart did when I saw this: PS1 wallet, you are my Orange MJ wallet's newest enemy. MJ's going to have to fight for dear life to stay #1 in my world. And you better BELIEVE that when this wallet is available on Monday that I am going to do some SIRI-OUS (yes, that was a tribute to Siri) thinking about my current wallet situation.

On an Energy Drink Kick

I can't stand Red Bull. I think it tastes like panther piss. Fact. I once drank it (mixed with Grey Goose, natch) at a GNO at Republic in LA and it ended in getting very sick and eating mac and cheese with a pound of bacon mixed in. Don't ask.

So...I was skeptical about trying this Archer Farms (Tar-jay's brand) sugar free grapefruit energy drink.

But I LOVE. I am obsessed and I have to stop myself from drinking more than one each day. Yum. Try one. You won't be sorry. Yum. Had to add that last yum for good measure.

Spotted: Porn on Truck

Stuck in traffic (I was at a stop when I snapped this photo, mind you) on the way home from Vegas I spotted this.

I am sure his mom is proud!

***Could've used one of those extra tires a few days earlier.

My Tire Was Tired.

A few weekends ago, I went to Vegas with my Kappa gentleladies. I drove from LA because I love driving (I WELCOME with open arms a good, long drive across the country) and, well, I have commitment issues with booking flights. Especially with Vegas. You never know when you're going to want to get the HELL out of dodge. Or when you're going to want to stay that extra night. And ANYTHING goes in that town. And this trip was certainly no exception. More on that later. First things first. See this?

That's my tire. And in this photo the tire clearly wasn't on my car. Because somewhere between Barstow and The Hills Have Eyes (Baker, CA), my tire decided it wanted to crap out. And by crap out I mean COMPLETELY blow. Like, it popped. POP! I was going 80 mph. Didn't really think about how lucky I was at the time that I didn't spin out or anything crazy like that, but I know now. And because I was in the middle of nowhere, it took roadside assistance about an hour just to get to me. I mean, they couldn't find my location on my call through the GPS in my phone that is how in the middle of bumfuckegypt I was. I had to HOOF it to the closest exit to see a mile marker. And of course I was dressed in a bathing suit with a cover up that was pretty much see through because I was headed straight to the pool upon arrival. (Katy, Siri, Hannah- remember when I wore that as a dress to a BBQ at the Schneidies last summer and didn't know how see through it was? Fun times.) And it was 55 degrees outside in the desert. A few very nice people (read: men. Duh.) stopped and offered to help. But they couldn't do much because my spare was flat. Naturally. Why would my spare be properly inflated like it was supposed to be?* Hmm? In my hour wait for roadside assistance, I managed to email/text/bbm/call as many people as I could. Had to also alert Katy Stuhr that I would be tardy to the party. Kim Zolciak wouldn't have approved. Ms. Stuhr was expecting me poolside at Liquid. Instead I was praying I wouldn't become a headline on Yahoo!'s homepage that weekend. My imagination, as you can imagine was getting the best of me. Headline "West Hollywood Woman Accepts Help from Stranger, Turns Out to be Newly Escaped Charles Manson". But that didn't happen. Roadside assistance came, put my spare on, pumped it up with air and sent me on my way to Baker (home of the world's largest thermometer!) to get a new tire. In the meantime, Katy had sent me oodles and oodles of places to get a tire en route to the city of sin (lifesaver!) so I knew exactly where to go. Let me tell you how MUCH FUN it is to drive 55 on a spare on a highway where the minimum speed of drivers is 80.

Pulled up to the tire place and thought it HAD to be a joke. Spent an hour there (lord knows WHAT they were doing) but I threw my credit card at them, they took me to the cleaners and I happily let them knowing that I was ALMOST there. The scenarios of what could happen to me alone in the desert ran rampant here too. Maybe I watch too many horror movies? And the woman who ran the show had the most WICKED french tip acrylics I had seen in a very long time. Made me feel at home circa 1999. I made sure to STARE at them as she was handing my credit card back to me. As I drove away, I looked at the service station in my rear view mirror and had a really good laugh.

And I made it to Vegas. Safe and sound. And what a weekend it was.

Bubbly.

If I could drink only one drink for the rest of my life it would be champagne. I had this birthday gift from the newlywed Cahens waiting on my desk for me this week.

That yellow label is SURE to put a smile on any gal's face.